Chronic Pain and Goals

I was born on Christmas Day, which makes me a Capricorn. Honestly, I don't know much about horoscopes or astrology, particularly in regards to the signs other than Capricorn. I know a little about my sign, and when reading the description of Capricorns, it would be appropriate to show my picture next to it. Since Capricorn is "The Goat" it would be good to add some horns to my photo, since the not-so-lovable traits include needing control of everything, wanting to do things their way (since it is the right way 99% of the time) and being overly competitive and stubborn. Yes, I can wear a headband with horns on it if will make someone happy...God knows I have had plenty of laughs at the expense of others, it's their turn! Whether you see it as good, bad or neutral; us Caps are all about goals. I am a goal setter in all areas of my life, even when doing things to relax, there must be a goal to reach. For example, I am doing a mindfulness guided meditation, my goal is to do it for a certain amount of time. Another goal may be to have my blood pressure reading after I meditate by below 120 over 80. Yes, this is how my brain works, even if I never say it out loud or write it down in my journal (my goal is to journal a minimum of 3 days a week, preferably everyday). I have goals with housework, cooking, listening to others, asking good questions, exercising, training for events, amount of time with my feet elevated per day and even goals that relate to my dreams at night. I honestly expect to have a least one dream a night that I am aware of and it should be positive. If I am going to have bad dreams, my goal is at least one good one to balance things out.

So what happens now that I have three chronic pain syndromes? At first, nothing changed. I set my goals and powered through my pain, feeling strong and accomplished. Sometimes this worked, eventually the pain would be too much to power through. Note, I am not saying that the relationship between pushing for my goals and pain is a cause and effect relationship. No, it is not predictable by any means. Chronic pain is random. I repeat, NOT predictable. This means that I am not in control of why I have pain. Yes, I could have lifted weights and swam 2 miles in under an hour, then gotten very little sleep and sure enough I woke up in pain. I cannot then say that weight lifting and swimming cause my pain. Or lack of sleep was the cause of my pain flare. It is possible that "overdoing it" caused a pain flare, but that description includes more than just the exercise, it could be many things that are not even physical. For example, I may have agreed to join the PTA at school, go to lunch with a friend tomorrow and drive my son to his friends house after school and pick him up in 2 hours. None of that in it's own right is tiring, yet making that many commitments can have me lying flat on the floor, unable to move. So how do I balance life so that I can cope with my chronic pain in the best way? One word, AWARENESS.

Awareness can be of our bodies, it can be of our heart rate, it can be awareness of our emotions. The key to what we do and how are chronic pain conditions respond is to be maximally tuned into what is the best thing, at this moment, for ourselves. For me, this is where I am learning daily to follow my intuition, the voice in me that can select what is best for me. I let go of the over analyzing, of searching for the "why" and making sure my choices align with those ever-present goals. For my body, I choose to do a "Body Scan" by sitting or lying still, taking a few deep breathes and scanning from head to toe with my awareness. What I need to choose for my body will be apparent in just a few short moments. For my emotions, I do a similar scan, allowing my mind to become quiet an tuning into how I am feeling, what emotions pop to the surface. With emotions it is important to recognize they can be fleeting and you experience them briefly. While sometimes you may feel stuck in the emotion. When stuck, continue to breathe deeply and feel the emotion completely. By acknowledging and feeling your emotions you become free to let them come and go. As humans are emotions are flowing, never really stagnant. We get stuck when we try to avoid feeling the emotion and stuffing it away. I am fully aware you may read this and feel it is a simplified way to help your chronic pain, and you are right. Simple is all that is needed, combined with a constant flow. When we are blocked or stuck, our pain will feel stronger, more dominating. When we allow a flow through us, of emotions and sensations we learn that there is constant change in us,  even in our pain.